Forgiving Me

God continues to bless me with all the love and tenderness of a merciful, all-knowing and forgiving Father. I am amazed. Honestly, when I think I can't feel his love more, it expands, lightens my load, instills hope and promises peace. 

He has forgiven me every whit. I must do the same for myself. And I have now. I may still hurt but I can't hang onto the guilt any longer. He has once again, through the powerful healing gift of His Son, made me whole. 

Miracles

The miracle in the New Testament about the woman touching the hem of the Savior's garment and being made whole is very meaningful to me.  The great thing about the miracles, parables and other lessons in the Scriptures is that although we all read the same words, they can have a very different meaning for each reader.  So it is with this faithful woman.

I often hear people talk about the simplicity of the miracles in the New Testament.  I am not sure what context they are referring to but if has anything to do with being effortless, I couldn't disagree more.  We know that for any miracle to take place there must be faith.  Strong faith requires us.  It is not effortless.  The thing we do for the miracle to take place may appear easy but the belief that got us to the hem of the garment, the water's edge or the Savior's feet is not easy.  If we really believe, if we really trust, if we really allow His will to be ours; there is no simplicity in that.  The blind man "followed Jesus."  We struggle at times to do that with our eyes open.

The woman that had a disease for twelve years.  This woman has had a hard life.  She had, I imagine, gone from doctor to doctor, year after year, hoping and trusting in the arm of man.  Discouragement, depression, angst, unworthiness may have been some of the challenges she had to deal with.  I wonder sometimes why she didn't go directly to the Savior, as others had done, and asked to be healed.  There could be many different reasons, but for me, it is this.  She had faith in the Savior but did she have faith in herself?  That is the difficult part.  We all know what Christ can do.  I don't think we have any idea what we can do.  How do we come to know what we are capable of? Hard things.  In Helaman it tells us that faith is made strong through our afflictions.  The faith exercised in these miracles is significant.  It is what kept them going despite the difficulties.  The type of faith exhibited in the scriptures is a result of experiencing hard things.

I think there is a huge disservice not talking about how real, true, strong, enduring faith is acquired.  And again, this understanding rarely has to do with His power, we get that part, it has everything to do with our power. 

When we give up our will and totally trust the Lord, we need to expect that it will be difficult at times.  Especially living in a world that is the exact opposite of what He requires us to be.  But the great thing about this faith, that really allows us to submit our will and trust, is that even during difficult times, that pull us down to the depths of humility, we can have hope.  That is the most beautiful part to me of strengthening our faith.  In spite, of the challenges, we are surrounded in the arms of mercy and love.  Often times the miracle isn't changing our circumstances; the miracle is our change of heart.

In these hard moments, He is really teaching us who we are.  He is teaching us what we are capable of.  It is more than we can imagine for ourselves.  We put limits on ourselves.  But with His offering, we are truly limitless.

Progress

...So beautiful Fall weather is upon us.  My favorite time of the year and I just can't seem to appreciate it as much as in years past.  Maybe next year. written Sep 2007

The sky is perfect.

No clouds, only blue.

The sun is at its peak.

The breeze has a hint of Fall.

It is quiet except for the rushing water.

I couldn't appreciate the

cloudless sky,

the warmth of the sun, or

the reprieve of a cool breeze

last Fall.

My mind was rushing like the water.

But today my mind is at peace, taking it all in.

What changed?

Me.

The significance of it all won't leave me alone.  Everyday is a constant reminder of who I am and what I was.  I seek for this constant reminder. I yearn for the enlightenment. I welcome the seriousness knowing it will pass and give way to more reminders, more enlightenment but with more joy.  written aug 2008

Rectify Yourself

There was an underlying theme in all the classes I attended today although the titles did not indicate it. There is a central quality of world religions even though the doctrines may be vastly different. This quality, although called by different names, is very much the same.

This quality is what binds us together. It is what strengthens our relationships. All of our relationships, with God, with our spouse, with everyone.

In the times of Confucius, China was slipping into chaos. He said if you want to rectify the State, you must rectify the family. If you want to rectify the family you must start with yourself.

And this central quality that must start with ourselves in Christianity is called Charity; in China it is called Benevolence; and in India it is called Compassion.

This sounds simple until you realize these are the conditions we must be operating under all the time. What about when our challenges are so compelling? When we feel trapped in a dark and dreary waste? He still requires that we love in the hardest of times. When we least feel like it. He says, "Love each other and choose me."

How do we do this? It is strength we cannot get from mortal relationships. It does require we change our attitude. We must find gratitude in our lives. We must recognize God's love in all things. We must look for His tender mercies daily. Does He love us because we are good or He is good?

As we take the Sacrament, remember, it is a two way promise. As we renew our covenants, so does he. We promise to keep His commandments, remember Him. He promises to help get us home. He will help us with the capacity to love. It is this love that transcends and transforms all of our relationships. No matter your religion.

Failure or Faith

I feel like I am doing more than ever to maintain a spiritual bond with my Heavenly Father but it is not enough.  I won't ever be doing enough.  Therein lies the humility.  Therein lies the need for him to forgive me for my weakness, depend on Him for strength, trust in Him to make up for what I cannot perfectly do.  

This humility isn't depressing, discouraging or disappointing.  It has the opposite effect.  This humility recognizes what I can give and what Christ can do.  It is motivating, hopeful and full of gratitude. 

The world would call this failure.  The Lord would call this faith.